


Hell Hath No Fury

by LastWill



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cheesy romance, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Rating May Change, Space Husbands, The Squad Sticks Together, This means war!, Threesome - M/M/M, Vicious Ex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7932280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastWill/pseuds/LastWill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The five year mission is over, but Jim Kirk has plans to reinstate himself as captain of the starship Enterprise. He drags Spock and Bones to the annual Starfleet convention to extend the contract. It all seemed pretty airtight... until he runs into a vicious ex who is furious he married his two shipmates instead of her. </p><p>It will not go unpunished. </p><p>(Obvious McSpirk)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet the Ex

**Author's Note:**

> The setting has to be a little A/U in general because my fic takes place shortly after the five-year mission.
> 
> I’ll warn you, this fic is cheesy, even deliciously cheesy, I’m proud to report. I felt comfortable writing it that way because...well...Star Trek is cheesy.

McCoy leaned on the outside-bar and looked at the stars. He was chewing on a cherry stem from a cherry he had ate moments ago. Getting his drink was taking longer than he liked, which didn’t come as a surprise because the bar was packed and the drinks were free. He waved down one of the frazzled looking kids behind the bar again as they passed by.

“Tennessee whiskey!” he ordered again when the bartender looked him in the face. Poor kid was sporting a deer-in-headlights-look. McCoy tried to look half-way pleasant, hoping that’d sway the drink-maker to get his faster.

“Scotch on the rocks!” came another order from behind him.

McCoy whipped around and grinned. He hadn’t imagined the Scottish twang in the voice- Scotty was red-faced and smiling like a loon as he held up one finger to the heavens. McCoy laughed and they caught sight of each other.

“Mr. Scott,” McCoy greeted. He slapped Scotty’s hand (maybe a little too hard) and shook it vigorously. “How are ya? I haven’t seen you since the wedding.”

He was referring to his own wedding of course, the one between himself, Jim and Spock. After their five-year mission on the Enterprise ended they discussed their futures and discovered they wanted to stay together. So just like their mission their wedding had been a whirlwind of excitement, adventure and more than a few mishaps, but no one could claim they didn’t have a good time.

“Ayyyye-I’ve been busy, Doctor.” Scott slurred. He launched into a confusing rant revealing Starfleet had put him in charge of maintenance on other starships before approving him for a new voyage. McCoy was too tipsy to focus on it, so he smiled and nodded. “Anyway it’s nice ta finally unwind.” He remarked as the bartender handed him his drink order.

“Yeah.” McCoy agreed with a laugh. “Keep checking your contacts, Scotty. Jim’s trying to swing the old crew back into getting together for another voyage on the Enterprise. He’s been kissing Starfleet’s ass- that’s why he’s not here yet.” he explained. “He’s arranging to be speaking at a few seminars throughout the week to build some cred, but he’ll be here soon.”

“Good on him, lad! I’d love to be aboard the Enterprise again. Best ship I ever worked on!” Scotty said with a loving glint in his eye. “I hope I can last the night... and see Jim.” Scotty said taking a deep sip of his drink. McCoy was glad to see Scotty’s face was red with a boozy glow, it was comforting knowing he wasn’t the only one taking advantage of the open bar. “Hm, whiskey?”

“Damn these kids.” McCoy cursed. The bartender handed him a glass and he took a close look at it. “I think you got mine and I got yours.”

“Doesn’t really matter.” Scotty said shaking his head. “Cheers Doctor.” he said before draining his glass.

“Cheers, Scotty.” McCoy laughed and drank his scotch. “Maybe we can meet up later and do something, that way you won’t have to wait up for Jim, I know I’m not.” He said following Scotty’s lead and draining his glass.

Scotty laughed heartily as McCoy’s face puckered at the strong drink.

“Aye, I’m here ‘till I get my next assignment.” Scotty nodded. He pulled out a pen from his chest pocket and took an unusually long time to scribble his room number on the napkin before handing it to McCoy, who put it in his pocket.

“Lassie,” Scotty said turning to the bar. “You gave me and the Doctor the wrong drink!” he said pushing his empty glass right under the bartenders nose. McCoy put his glass on the bar table and she frowned.

She looked slightly disgusted at the pair of them, but she did hand them the correct drinks, probably in an effort to get them away.

“Well, I gotta get back to my Vulcan before he sends out a search party for me.” Bones said.

“You’ll know where to find me.” Scotty said tapping his glass against Bones’.

McCoy strolled away from the bar and took his time returning to his table.

“Love that guy.” McCoy was muttering to himself as he thought back to Scotty. He may have been a little drunk.

It was a clear night on Rigel III and the Federation had rented a convention center for the month to conduct administrative meetings, contract renewals, and information swaps. It was bureaucratic, boring politics, but Starfleet had made it tolerable by housing officers and throwing a huge party before and after the scheduled events. You had to attend the meetings to get the free food and housing, but McCoy figured it wasn’t a bad trade-off.

McCoy was half-stuck in a daydream when he finally made his way to his table. Spock was people-watching and also seemed lost in thought as he sat impossibly still with his hands folded in his lap. Bones slipped in the chair next to him and placed his whiskey down carefully on the table.

“I ran into Scotty at the bar.” McCoy announced over the music. Spock leaned away from McCoy slightly, and he had to remind himself that a Vulcan’s hearing was much more sensitive than a human's. “We had a drink mix-up, but he didn’t seem to mind.” He said at a more normal volume. “At least he’s got good taste.”

“If you continue to drink in excess you will become ill in the morning.” Spock informed him.

“It’s a party, Spock.” McCoy sighed. “You’re supposed to drink in excess. You drink until you’ve embarrassed yourself, that’s how you know you had a good time.”

“It is illogical for you to pursue humiliation.” Spock said. Before McCoy could reply the Vulcan plucked McCoy’s drink off the table and drank it in a few short swallows.

“Would you stop doing that?” McCoy snapped. “You don’t even like alcohol.”

“Since you find it enjoyable to wax heavy on the romantic, Doctor, consider it a ‘labor of love’.” Spock replied. He combed the area briefly to see if anyone was watching them and then he kissed McCoy on the mouth, his lips tasting like whiskey. Bones felt his heart flutter.

“I know what you’re doing and it won’t work.” McCoy huffed pushing down the butterflies in his stomach. “You can’t butter me up.” Spock frowned, obviously unfamiliar with the term. “Dammit, it took me like ten minutes to get that drink.”

“Here is one readily available.” Spock claimed pushing a glass of water towards him.

“If you’re not going to let me enjoy myself will you at least dance with me?” McCoy asked. “Or are we just going to stare at each other like concussed yeoman all night?”

“I believe that honor belongs to Jim.” Spock replied.

“Jim’s working.” Bones snapped back.

A hand laid heavily on McCoy’s shoulder. Bones twisted towards the owner with a bright smile.

“May I have this dance, handsome sir?” Jim asked looking down at him.

“I do declare- if it isn’t that scoundrel James Kirk!” Bones teased. “Starfleet finally undid your shackles, did they?”

Jim looked tired but thrilled to finally meet up with his husbands. He grabbed the untouched half-sandwich off of McCoy’s plate and bit into it.

“How’s the party?” Jim asked between swallows. “Are you two behaving?”

“He wishes to drink until he’s embarrassed himself.” Spock informed the Captain with a note of disapproval.

“Spock’s been mother-henning me all night, he’s driving me up the wall.” McCoy snapped. “Take me away, Jim.” he begged.

“Do you mind?” Jim asked Spock.

“By all means.” Spock replied dryly.

Jim held out his hand and McCoy grabbed it. He swiveled out of his seat in a smooth half twist and followed Jim to the dance floor.

“You’re such a doll, Jim.” McCoy told him.

“A ragdoll maybe. I’ve been on my feet since five in the morning... how much have you drank?” Jim asked.

“Well I’ve been chumming with Spock since seven in the morning, so what do you think?” McCoy laughed.

“I think he’s a lucky man.” Jim said smoothly.

The compliment landed well with McCoy and he grinned, a faint blush spreading over his cheeks. He leaned his head against Jim’s and sighed contently. It wasn’t long before Jim's hand slipped down his dancing partner’s hips and cupped one of his ass cheeks.

“We still have a couple of hours until this thing is over.” McCoy said in thick amusement. “Can you pretend to be a gentleman?”

“I’ll try my best.” Jim replied. He squeezed McCoy’s ass before resting his hand back on the Doctor’s hip. “So how’s that master plan to get Spock to relax working out for you?”

“Terrible. I keep bringing drinks back to the table and he keeps finishing them to keep me from getting properly blasted, but he hasn’t shown the slightest improvement.” Bones said. “Damn Vulcan metabolism, I bet he could close the open bar and still deliver the Gettysburg Address without a flub.”

Jim chuckled.

“Well maybe that’s for the best, I only like seeing him lose control in the bedroom.” Jim said.

“Peek over there and tell me how he’s doin’ solo.” McCoy requested.

Jim squinted his eyes as he looked over at their table.

“Oh wow, I had no idea he was that flexible,” Jim said in awe. “That last drink really slammed him, I hope he doesn’t fall off the table-”

“Damn liar.” Bones laughed.

“What do you think he’s doing? He’s watching us dance.” Jim smirked.

“He’s not the only one.” McCoy said.

“Hm?” Jim hummed.

“There’s a woman watching us...and she’s giving us a look that I’ve only ever seen Klingons give you, Jim.” McCoy told him. “Scotty should bottle it up and use it to peel pant.”

Jim deflated slightly and let out a sigh.

“Blonde?” He asked.

“Yeah, she’s wearing a captain's uniform.” McCoy said. “I could go on if you want.”

“Don’t bother, I know who it is.” Jim said. They moved enough where Jim could see the woman himself. “Lindsey Mani. She made captain a couple months ago.”

“Why the stink-eye? You break her heart?” McCoy asked.

Jim gave him a guilty smile. “We were serious for a while...I almost proposed but backed out. I may have told her I wasn’t built for long term commitment.”

“We can pretend to be kissing-cousins, but that might be a harder sell between you and Spock.” Bones teased him. “Ugh, I think she caught me looking because she’s coming this way.”

“Wonderful.” Jim grunted. He reluctantly pulled away from McCoy and turned to confront the woman who was approaching them.

“Lindsey, nice to see you. I heard you made captain.” Jim greeted her with a good-natured smile.

She stopped in front of them and crossed her arms while sporting a bitter smile. McCoy observed she was slim and beautiful, just the type Jim liked to chase around before he had settled down. When she caught McCoy staring she turned her nose up at him; Jim’s pleasantries were ignored.

“Well, this answers a lot.” She said turning to Jim after waving at McCoy. “I figured there were things I couldn’t give you that would make you stay... I never would’ve guessed one of those things was a Y chromosome.”

“Lindsey-” Jim started with a nervous laugh.

“You lied to me.” She said stiffly. “You said if you could marry anyone you’d marry me, but ‘that just wasn’t possible’, you just ‘weren’t created for marriage’. And here you are feeling-up another man in front of all of Starfleet. What’s a girl like me to think, Jim?”

“I meant what I said,” Jim cut in defensively. “I’m just as surprised as you are, I thought what you thought- I never imagined I’d end up with a man.”

“Yes, that’s what everyone else is saying too.” Lindsey said. “'Didn’t you used to date Kirk? He’s married now, to his First Officer.'... Or is it his Chief Medical Officer? I can’t remember.”

Jim continued to flash her a charming smile, but there was a definite discomfort in it. McCoy had never seen him speechless before.

“Is there a disturbance?”

McCoy was so engrossed in the drama unfolding between Jim and his old girlfriend, he hadn’t realized how unusual they must have looked standing on the dancefloor as a random woman spat venom at them. Spock had of course been watching, and he approached the situation in a misguided attempt to diffuse whatever was happening.

McCoy snapped into action and clasped Spock’s arm, attempting to drag him away from Jim’s embarrassing affair. The plan backfired, it only caused Lindsey to focus more on McCoy and the Vulcan. She spotted the matching wedding ring the three of them wore on Spock's finger and laughed humorlessly as Jim cringed.

“Both of them?” She asked dryly.

“...I know this looks really bad.” Jim started nervously.

“What you don’t seem to know is what a huge mistake you’ve made.” She replied coldly.

“Lindsey, please...” Jim begged. “We were young, I was going away on a new assignment…” Jim seemed to have run out of words to say to her.

She wasn’t very forgiving as she glared at them.

“The cats out of the bag, I might as well.” Jim sighed.

He grabbed Spock around the waist and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. Spock’s eyebrows rose, but he didn’t pull away. McCoy laughed as the ex watched the production with anger before spinning on her heel and stomping away.

“Don’t stop kissing him, she keeps looking back.” McCoy urged Jim on. “And she is _pissed_.” he added gleefully.

People were beginning to stare and Jim ended the kiss with a flourish to give them a good show.  

“Captain, that was, as you humans say, very petty.” Spock chided him.

“I’m not going to argue with that, Mr. Spock.” Jim said with a grin. “Show me where that bar is, Bones.”

* * *

 

Jim and McCoy found the bar alright. Not only did they find it, they found it _with Scotty_.

It had been years since Jim allowed himself to get so drunk. It didn’t help that McCoy enacted just as little self restraint as they spent the next hour pounding drink after drink, reminiscing about past voyages with their former chief engineer.

Spock had spoken up several times but it eventually became apparent no amount of caution was going to sway them from their ‘good time’.

And that was how Spock came to be their caretaker, dragging them back to their hotel room at two in the morning.  It was slow progress as the Vulcan held them up and urged them to take long strides, occasionally forced to stop and readjust his grip around them as they hobbled toward their room. He had one of them in each of his arms, and it took them a half hour to get to their room that was a mere two minute walk otherwise.

Spock had to momentarily let go of McCoy to enter identification on the admittance panel. Once his arm was removed Bones lost his balance and saved himself from slapping the wall by wrapping his arms around Spock’s shoulders.

“Whoa,” McCoy protested as he fought to keep on his feet. “Baby, you’re swayin’ like a daisy in the breeze.” he said leaning heavily on Spock. “I think _you’ve_ had too much to drink.” He wheezed with laughter and Jim joined him, tittering.

“Inside.” Spock ordered dragging them along.

“Uh-oh.” Bones said darkly. “Spock’s mad at us, ‘s mad because we had _fun_.” Bones slurred at Jim.

“Those emotions are foreign to me.” Spock informed them.

“I don’t believe that for a second!” McCoy said in a loud whisper to Jim.

“Are you gonna scold us, Spock?” Jim asked, his voice thick with drunkenness.

“Unnecessary.” Spock replied as he pulled them into the bedroom. “Your punishment for your over-indulgence will be entirely self-inflicted. If my calculations are correct you both will be very ill in the morning.”

“Oh, unclench your tight, tight, tight, Vulcan ass for once.” McCoy said. He lifted his hand high above his head and let it fall with a slap to Spock’s rear. Spock jumped and pressed his lips together tightly. “It wassa party, getting drunk is what humans do at parties.” McCoy slurred his words. “But you wouldn’t know annnything ‘bout that, wudja darlin’?”

“Thank you, Doctor, no I would not.” Spock replied with an edge of frustration. He grabbed McCoy’s wrist and pulled the offending hand away, dislodging it from his asscheek which had been liberally squeezing.

With some effort Spock managed to lead them to the edge of the bed without them falling over.

“What I meant was you’re-” McCoy hiccupped loudly, “-no fun.” he finished frowning at his dislodged hand. “Hey, that’s not where I put that.” he said staring at his palm. Spock tilted his hindquarters away from the reaching hand, which caused Jim to sway.

“No, no, Spock’s lossa fun.” Jim insisted as he nearly stumbled. He bumped his nose against the side of Spock’s face and kissed his cheek.

“Prove it!” McCoy barked.

“Yeah, prove it.” Jim urged Spock.

“The only thing I wish to prove is an aptitude to putting you both to bed without incident.” Spock announced.

“And wudda ya gonna do to us in bed?” Jim asked with a note of seduction.

“Tuck. You. In.” Spock said pointedly. He pushed them both on the bed and they flopped around as he got them into position.

“He’s za worst, Jim.” McCoy drawled, his voice damped by the covers.

“Lights off.” Spock said, enveloping them in darkness. “Goodnight.” He called to them turning and proceeding to leave.

“Wait, where you goin’? Can we get a goodnight kiss?” Jim asked.

“No.” Spock replied.

“Don’t worry, Jim, I’ll kiss you.” Bones slurred. He clumsily dragged himself over to Jim. Spock crossed the room again and pushed McCoy back onto his side of the bed.

“No, now is not the time to trade affections for one another.” Spock announced sternly. “It is time for sleeping.”

“What sorta green-blooded monster won’t let free men kiss?” McCoy grumbled.

“I’m the Captain,” Jim said without room for argument. “kiss us goodnight, that’s an order Mr. Spock.” he said carefully.

“You are unfit to issue such a command, sir. I am disregarding the order.” Spock replied with strained patience.

“I’mma chief medi- medicinal- I’m CMO- I say Jim’s spic-and-span.” McCoy insisted.

“If ‘spic-and-span’ is a colloquialism for heavily intoxicated, then I agree.” Spock replied. He jumped slightly. “Doctor...please stop touching-”

“Butchu like that.” Bones argued.

“You lack the coordination to make it enjoyable.” Spock told him.

“I’ll do it- I’m the Captain.” Jim announced, his hand reaching toward Spock.

“Stop this at once!” Spock told them losing his temper. “No touching and no kissing. This silliness ends now. Go to sleep.”

“...Alright, it’s just...we love you _so_ much, Spock,” Jim said. “If you knew, you’d say….’wow, that is _a lot._ ’”

“He doesn’t know, Jim.” McCoy said with a note of pity. “He’s only half human so he can only half-” he hiccuped . “half-understand.”

“It’s so sad.” Jim said covering his mouth with his hand. they heard his loud sniff in the darkness.

McCoy made a sad whine next to him, joining Jim.

“Gentlemen,” Spock said with a last iota of patience. “I possess modest levels of telepathic abilities, I do, in fact, understand how much much you love me, I have literally felt it.”

“But do you?” McCoy choked.

“Sleep.” Spock ordered laying his hands on their faces.

It didn’t take long for the telepathic suggestion to enforce the action.

* * *

 

Instant regret.

 

“Jim...I’m dying.” McCoy croaked in the darkness.

“Oh god,” Jim whispered. White hot pain was pulsing through his brain matching his pulse. “What have we done?”

“We shouldn’t have tried to drink Scotty under the table.” McCoy said. “So arrogant…”

“You said he was halfway gone when we started.” Jim whined.

They laid there in their mutual agony, slipping in and out of a restless slumber. Finally Jim was too uncomfortable to fall back asleep and he crawled next to McCoy.

“What time is it?” Bones asked, sensing Jim’s presence.

Jim forced himself to look at the clock. The angry red color of the clock face shot through him and he closed his eyes tightly to keep himself from further pain.

“...Nine.” Jim announced.

“...In my brown suitcase I packed a handful of hydration shots.” McCoy groaned. “Just in case this happened.”

“I can’t move, Bones.” Jim admitted. “Unless it’s within…” he waved his arm around the bed. “This range I won’t be able to get it.”

“Where’s Spock?” McCoy asked.

Jim flopped over and spread his arms out and patted around the bed like he was making a snow angel.

“Not here.” Jim mumbled.

“...Cover your ears, I’ll call him.” Bones told him.

With groggy slowness they both grabbed pillows and wrapped it around their heads. McCoy bellowed, “Spock!” and they waited in the dimness of the room for their mobile, healthy savior. They peeled the pillows of their ears, throwing them to the floor in frustration.

“If he abandoned us for breakfast I’ll demand a divorce.” McCoy grumbled.

“Which one do you have, headache or nausea?” Jim dared to ask.

“Headache.” McCoy whispered.

“Same.” Jim admitted.

“Are you speaking at a seminar today?” McCoy asked him.

“Yeah, at four. I’m also meeting with the admissions board to discuss captaining the Enterprise at noon.” Jim said.

“Poor fool...you’re gonna need a double dose of those hydration shots.” McCoy told him. He let out a frustrated grunt. “Where the hell is our Vulcan?”

“Right here, Doctor.”

Spock appeared in the doorway, fully clothed in his uniform, with the light from the main room shining around him like an angel of mercy. He looked down at them and slowly crossed his arms while he raised an eyebrow as he drank in the state of his very hung-over husbands. It did cause Jim a little bit of shame.

“How are you feeling, gentlemen?” Spock asked them.

There was also a subtle note of self-satisfaction in his voice that pounded into Jim’s head. Again he closed his eyes tightly in a feeble attempt to shut out the pain.

“Isn’t it obvious? Now shut up and get my brown suitcase for me,” McCoy snapped harshly. “Please.” He added as an afterthought.

Spock made no motion to fulfill the request, instead he turned to Jim, his gaze questioning.

“I’m really sorry, Spock.” Jim said. He felt like he should say something. “You tried to warn us and we didn’t listen to you. Our behavior last night must have seemed...distasteful.”

“Yes, your actions were the epitome of human vulgarity.” Spock informed them both.

“We apologize. We won’t subject you to that again.” Jim said. He shook Bones meaningfully.

“We shouldn’t have gotten so blasted… and definitely not challenge Scotty to a drink-off.” McCoy spoke up. “You were right and we were wrong; are you happy now, Spock?”

“Never.” Spock remarked slipping away from the room. The door slid behind him leaving them behind in the darkness.

“He’s still mad at us,” Bones said. “Even if he doesn’t admit it.”

“Looks like we’ll just have to help each other.” Jim said reaching out and patting McCoy’s hand.

“Don’t touch me, you’re fucking useless.” McCoy said grumpily as he slapped Jim’s hand off. Jim laughed and then winced in pain.

“Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.” Jim begged.

“Good, it’s my revenge for you pushing all those drinks on me, you sleaze.” McCoy teased him.


	2. The Enterprise

Because Jim had a much more important day ahead of him than Bones, he got to watch as his poor husband crawled around the room on his hands and knees looking for his brown suitcase. Long ago they had given up on Spock who had either ignored their pleas from the other room or had left their quarters entirely; it left a sour taste in McCoy’s mouth and he refused to believe Spock’s behavior was reasonable.

When Bones finally made it to the closet, Jim watched in amusement as he desperately climbed the shelving to make it upright. They both let out a joyful cry of triumph when they spied where Spock had stashed their luggage. All three suitcases were stacked neatly against the top shelf.

“I’m going to kill that smug little hobgoblin.” McCoy said. “He knew it was here the whole time.”

Bones didn’t have the patience to remove the top two suitcases stacked on the brown one, and all the luggage nearly toppled-over on McCoy’s head as he made one savage pull to rip it out. Jim winced as the bags fell and bumped against each other on the ground. McCoy wasted no time opening the brown one and pouring the contents out- medical supplies spilled everywhere.

“Jackpot, Jimmy.” McCoy said joyously.

Sweet relief poured over Jim as they were pumped with enough hydration shots and painkillers to open a pharmacy. As he and McCoy was recovering, Bones angrily plucked Spock’s suitcase off the floor and opened it on the bed.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked him.

“Paying Spock back for all the kindness he’s shown us.” McCoy replied sarcastically. Jim didn’t have the energy to stop him from grabbing large handfuls of Spock’s clothes and flinging them around the room. “Oh Jesus-!”

“What’s wrong?” Jim asked.

“It’s booby-trapped.” McCoy said. He picked up a familiar wooden mask and held it up. “This thing’s always given me the heebie-jeebies, tell me I’m not imagining things- it’s evil and probably houses the spirit of an angry Vulcan.”

Jim had never given his opinion on the odd piece of décor but he agreed thoroughly. Once they were married a lot of their personal effects had merged, and Spock had a notable one- a wall-mask made of black wood. The face was Vulcan, judging from the pointed ears, but it had an entirely sinister expression.

“It’s bad enough he insists on hanging it in the darkest hallway in the house,” McCoy said. “Nearly piss myself in the middle of the night when I forget it’s there- but he actually brought the damn thing with him!”

“Put it back, Bones.” Jim sighed. “I hate it too, but it’s Spock's and he asks so little of us.”

“All I asked was he get my suitcase, he knew where it was and he couldn’t even tell us.” Bones huffed. “He can do no wrong in your eyes, Jim.” He placed the mask in the suitcase and shut it in quickly.

“We got ourselves drunk against his wishes.” Jim pointed out. “And you were completely obnoxious to him.”

“See? You’re wrapped around his finger, Jim, making excuses for his behavior.” McCoy accused him. “Your spine becomes jelly as soon as you catch sight of those pointed-ears.”

“You’re just as whipped as I am,” Jim shot back. “You’re the one who can’t stop complimenting his lips.”

McCoy’s face went red. “Shut up, he’s got a pretty mouth for a man.” he snapped. “Don’t act like you don’t agree.”

“You never compliment mine.” Jim replied.

“I’m going to shower and shave.” He announced. “You’re welcome for saving your ungrateful ass, by the way.”

“I’ll repay you by getting you a job on the Enterprise.” Jim called after him.

* * *

 

 

Jim and Bones held up the line as they grabbed nearly every hot item off the buffet and piled it on their trays. By the time they reached the coffee station, Jim had charmed a doe-eyed yeomen into carrying four cups of black coffee for them.

“Carrying four drinks is easy- I used to be a waitress.” She explained as they wandered around the crowded room looking for a place to sit.

“I just knew you were perfect.” Jim said with a flirtatious wink at her. Thankfully Bones rolled his eyes while trailing behind her so she couldn’t see him. “Oh, here is fine.” he said motioning to an empty table. They placed their trays down.

“There you go!” She said cheerfully laying down the coffees with care.

“Thank you very much.” Jim said with a smile. “Have you been assigned to a crew yet? You are so helpful.”

“Hey, Jim, what year did we get married again?” Bones interrupted as he pressed his hand with his ring finger against his face thoughtfully.

Jim’s smile didn’t waver as the yeoman let out a short, disappointed laugh and left.

“Very subtle.” Jim criticized. “Did I make you jealous?”

“Hardly.” Bones lied. “I just don’t have time for your cute nonsense, I’m starving.” he said pointedly as he sat.

It wasn’t very dignified, but they tore through their food like they hadn’t had a meal in weeks. Jim was secretly glad Spock wasn’t there to witness it- inhaling a greasy breakfast after a long, drunken night was a pure human indulgence he wouldn’t understand.

But there did prove to be one thing that could break them from their trace. Jim dropped his fork halfway through it’s journey to his mouth.

“What?” McCoy asked in mild alarm.

“I don’t believe it.” Jim said “...That can’t be him.”

Scotty was whistling as he searched the room for an empty table. When he caught sight of their gaping mouths he waved vigorously. They tentatively waved back.

“How is he so...alive?” Jim asked Bones. The man rapidly making his way towards them seemed real enough. “I had half a mind to send you after him to see if he was still breathing.”

“Either we’re witnessing a medical miracle or we’ve been had.” McCoy said out of the corner of his mouth.

“I’m ready to do some investigating if you are,” Jim agreed under his breath. “Scotty, good morning!”

Scotty was almost dancing to their table as he approached them with a concerning amount of sausages on his platter.

“Good morning!” Scotty greeted them without a lick of discomfort in his voice. “Mind if I join you?”

“Please do.” Jim said. He rearranged their plates to give him space.

“Scotty, I have to admit, I didn’t expect to see you earlier than noon tomorrow.” McCoy said suspiciously.

“Did we put up a fight at all?” Jim asked him, watching him closely.

“Oh, yes, sir, very much sir.” Scotty said nodding vigorously.

“He’s lying.” McCoy whispered. He rubbed his face with one hand to conceal his words.

But Jim hadn’t really heard the comment, he was too distracted by the vision of Lindsey Mani walking by their table, her heels clacking against the floor loudly with every step. He couldn’t ignore a pang of guilt by his ‘petty’ behavior. It was never his intentions to irritate or upset her, not really.

She looked at him fleetingly and he gave her a sincere smile. He hoped it was enough to indicate he was approachable and an unspoken invitation for her to join them, but she turned her head and walked past them without missing a beat.

“Forget it, that bridge is burned.” McCoy told him.

They sat and ate with Scotty for a while; the Scotsman started to tighten up his comments as the conversation kept going back to the drinking-night, and after Jim asked him, ‘did you get alcohol poisoning?’ the engineer claimed he was late for his first seminar.

“I hope he doesn’t think we’re calling him an alcoholic.” Jim said as they watched Scotty’s retreat.

“I’ve watched that man order a half a gallon of scotch ***** ,” Bones said. “I don’t think he’s the type to be self-conscious about it.”

“You want to go find our Vulcan? He’s been MIA too long.” Jim offered.

“Sure.” McCoy said.

They wandered around a bit trying to burn through their free time and walk off their large breakfast. A half hour later they wandered into a large room where people were resting at low tables with armchairs gathered around.

“Pointed ears, two o’clock.” Bones said, pointing at Spock. He was seated near the entrance and preoccupied with something hand-held.

“Spock!” Jim called. The Vulcan looked up and got out of his seat to join them.

Bones made a start to meet Spock in the middle but Jim grabbed his arm, holding him back. The Doctor looked down at his arm and lifted his eyebrow in question.

“I’m just going to be blunt,” Jim said quickly. “I’m working all week and I can’t be around to stop you two from escalating your play-fights into something serious. I want you to offer him a truce.”

“That’s not necessary.” McCoy laughed. “As far as I’m concerned we’re square, Jim. But if it gives you peace I’ll let him know.”

“Captain, Doctor, your schedules.” Spock announced. He handed both Jim and Bones a convention PADD, it was as small as a communicator but much flatter. Jim tapped the screen and saw his convention schedule pop up.

“Just what I need, more shit in my pockets.” Bones huffed.

Jim cleared his throat.

“I mean… thanks Darlin’.” Bones said. Jim nodded at Spock, urging him on. “Uh...I know we’ve been getting on each other’s nerves a lot lately. I wanted to call a truce and tell you even though I give you a rough time, I love you.”

“Acknowledged.” Spock replied. The good-natured smile Bones had melted.

“You’re supposed to say, ‘I love you too’.” McCoy reminded him.

“Bones....” Jim groaned.

“If I’m ‘supposed’ to reply with the sentiment, how can you be sure it’s expressed authentically?” Spock asked flatly.

“Will you give it a rest?” Bones said in annoyed tone. “We both know you’d mean it, you just hate saying it because you hate admitting you have feelings.” he added brashly.

“Then by your own admittance it’d be illogical to continue with your uninteresting human platitudes.” Spock replied sharply.

“I always honor your requests to put my tongue up your ass, I don’t think I’m asking for too much.” McCoy grumbled.

Spock’s face flushed green at the comment much to McCoy’s delight, but not to Jim’s. Bones lurched to the right as Jim dug his elbow into his ribs.

“And I always say yes because I like doing it.” Bones insisted, sensing he may have gone too far.

As if he were somewhere else and not in the middle of a conversation, Spock pulled out his convention PADD and turned on his heel and departed from them in a fast, stiff walk. McCoy had finally gotten what he was looking for, an emotional reaction in which he had thoroughly embarrassed him.

“I tried.” McCoy said defensively as Jim cast him a dark look. “Come on, ‘acknowledged’? He said that to irritate me.”

“You owe him an apology.” Jim replied.

“It’ll have to wait, I have a seminar on the state of the art medical equipment that the Enterprise will never get, because the Federation only soups-up sickbays on starships that are run by sissy, stuffed-shirt, admirals.” McCoy said, holding up his schedule for Jim’s inspection.

Jim folded his arms and he wasn’t going to let Bones joke his way out of trouble.

“I’m sorry, it just sort of slipped out. I wasn’t trying to upset him….” McCoy said. “...not that much anyway.” he added under Jim’s skeptical look. “I’ll find him and apologize. I’ll even go back to the room and fold his clothes, okay?”

“See that it gets done.” Jim said. McCoy was looking sufficiently ashamed of himself for Jim’s satisfaction. “Don’t let me hold you up for your seminar.”

“Yeah… let me kiss you for good luck with your meeting?” McCoy told him.

“I never turn a good luck kiss down.” Jim said. Bones gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “Especially one so nice…” he added once they parted.

“Tell you what...I’ll go deliver that apology to Spock, then you can join us in the room after your done. We’ll celebrate your meeting with one big massive apology.” McCoy said suggestively.

“Oh yes, I promise to be very contrite.” Jim insisted.

“I’ll make sure of that.” McCoy said with a wink.

* * *

 

 

Admiral Rossi was a strict man and he didn’t play favorites- undoubtedly that was why he was head of the Federation Admissions Committee. The primary responsibility of the committee was his job to make sure officers at the rank of captain and above were properly assigned to available missions.

The admissions panel was made up of three people. Jim recognized Commander Truitt from past dealings with Starfleet- including a secret mission he had accomplished years before. Admiral Rossi and Commander Truitt sat next to another male officer named Hadley that Jim didn’t know, but from his uniform he took to be an admiral.

But that wasn’t everyone in the room. There was another person Jim recognized who was present.

“Lindsey...what do you think you’re doing here?” Jim asked her in a faux pleasant tone.

“Jim,” she replied matching his tone. “If you don’t know then you’ve insulted your own intelligence.” he said in a whisper. “I’m applying for the Enterprise contract. I hear it’s got the most amazing crew.”

“But you’re already captain of a starship with your own crew.” Jim said. “Your best quality is there’s only one of you, and it doesn’t belong anywhere near me and mine.”

“Not so, I’ve fallen in love with the Enterprise. I’m willing to leave my entire life behind for it.” She said, unblinking. Jim clenched his teeth together tightly. “What do you think, Jim? Me aboard the bridge, bossing around your Vulcan First Officer as you’re stationed in some backwater space station giving lectures?” She smirked. “I know he’s got a thing for blondes, does he give good backrubs?”

“Neck rubs are his specialty. I’ll make sure he gives you one.” Jim said with a devious smile.

“Kirk, Mani, with your permission we’ll get started.” Rossi said. “This will be brief.”

Jim’s nerves hardened, there was a battle going on in the room whether anyone was aware of it or not- the battle between Mani and himself for the future. He worked to keep his expression neutral as he sat at the board table with his adversary next to him.

“I won’t keep you on the edge of your seats, no one’s been assigned to the Enterprise yet. We’re still weighing in some the factors.” Rossi announced. “Captain Kirk, you were the obvious choice but we’ve had another applicant, so unfortunately it’ll take us a little longer to make a decision.”

“Admiral, If I may?” Jim said holding up a finger. “I don’t understand why Mani is being considered to replace me, especially since she’s only just made captain and I’ve just come back from a successful five-year mission on the Enterprise.” Jim argued. “Is Starfleet dissatisfied with my performance?”

“The stalling of your assignment is not a reflection on your performance, Kirk, it's a reflection how you’re not the only captain in Starfleet.” Rossi said bluntly. “If your experience qualifies you for a different position that call is our prerogative.”

Jim swallowed back a heated comment that he knew wouldn’t land well with the board.

“Captain Mani has an excellent record and she’s accomplished a lot in a short time. She’s just as entitled to a shot at running the Enterprise as you are.” Rossi expanded his initial statement. “Wherever you’re assigned, Captain, we’ll make sure to put you to good use. We’ll keep you both informed as soon as we’ve made a formal judgement.”

“Any questions, captains?” Hadley asked.

“None.” Lindsey said flashing Hadley her perfect, white-toothed smile.

“Meeting adjourned.” Rossi called.

Jim didn’t bother to hide his displeasure from Lindsey, who was pretending she wasn’t the source of it as she batted her lashes at him. A untamed part of him wondered how the room would react if he suddenly punched her in the face.

Truitt was heading for the door quickly. Jim jumped out of his seat and cut him off before the Commander could make his escape.

“Radcliffe,” Jim said hoping using Truitt’s first name would drive his point home. “You know the work I’ve done...even off the record missions… surely I’ve earned the Enterprise a thousand times over.”

“Yes, I agree.” Truitt responded quietly. “I’m truly sorry, Jim. If it were up to only me, you’d have the Enterprise with your men on it yesterday. You’ve done exceptional work and I recognize that… but Rossi has the final say. Not me.” He said with a shrug.

Jim nodded. He didn’t want to look like he was sulking, though that was exactly what he had plans to do when he found a private place to do it in.

“I'll put in a good word for you.” Truitt said.

“Thanks Commander.” Jim said with a nod.

He turned and saw Lindsey laughing with Hadley, her hand touching his arm as he relayed some wild story. She caught Jim staring and smirked at him.

Jim left before the untamed side of him sounded too tempting.

* * *

 

 

The lights were dimmed and classical music was playing softly when Jim opened the door to his temporary quarters.

“Oh Captain, my Captain…” McCoy called to him smoothly from the couch. “Is that you…?”

He was dressed only in a pair of black briefs and there was a familiar relaxed smile on his lips- Jim concluded he must have just delivered his ‘apology’ to Spock. It was really too bad Jim’s mood didn’t match the same calm, blissful trance Bones was in.

Jim heard the door shut as he marched further into the room. He unloaded his pockets on the coffee table in silence, taking note of the Vulcan mask placed there.

“So ...how’d it go?” McCoy asked him in a purr.

Jim snatched the wooden Vulcan-demon-face off the table and flung it hard against the wall. It wasn’t constructed to take a human’s rage, an ear broke off as it bounced around and pieces of it rolled at McCoy’s feet.

“Getting mixed signals here, Jim.” Bones said, staring at the broken totem. “Does this mean you want it rough?”

“Captain BITCH!” Jim shouted.

“Okay.” McCoy said raising from the couch. “I can do this,” He cleared his throat. “Jim, get your sissy ass over here-” McCoy started.

“Not _me_ , I’m not Captain Bitch,” Jim said incredulously. “Captain Mani, she’s the bitch. She applied for the Enterprise- _my_ Enterprise- just this morning!” he explained frantically.

“Oh.” McCoy said. He looked disappointed as he flopped himself back on the couch haphazardly. “I guess we’re not having sex then.” he mumbled.

Spock must have heard the commotion. He emerged from the bedroom completely naked. His sudden erotic appearance dulled Jim’s anger a little.

“Don’t let the music fool you, Spock. Jim’s not in the mood.” Bones sighed.

Spock spotted the broken Vulcan mask on the floor. He picked up the pieces and frowned.

“I broke it when I lost my temper, I’m having an emotional episode.” Jim admitted. He sat next to Bones on the couch, his jaw flexing with anger.

“May I suggest when the both of you lose your temper, you make it a habit of doing so away from my possessions?” Spock said in barely concealed irritation. “This is becoming excessive.”

“Excessive how?” Jim asked. McCoy gripped his forearm lightly and leaned into his ear.

“I, uh, didn’t have time to fold his clothes.” Bones said in a sheepish whisper.

Jim let out a frustrated sigh and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes. He was worried and his husbands didn’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation. Perhaps his gesture sobered them up, because instead of getting a lecture on destroying Spock’s things he felt Spock sit next to him and Bones throw his arms around him.

“Jim, they’re not going to give the Enterprise to some greenhorn over you,” McCoy said dismissively. “You have seniority and you’re James T. Kirk for godsakes. They probably have to review Captain Bitch’s application due to regulation.”

“I agree with the Doctor.” Spock insisted, hugging Jim tightly.

“You do?” McCoy said with a grin. “See Jim? He agrees, and he only ever agrees with me when I’m one hundred percent right. You’re working yourself up over nothing.”

“Yes, I tend to do that,” Jim said basking in their affections. “Don’t think I don’t appreciate this, but my nerves are fried. Is it alright if I take a raincheck on the sex? I think I just need some decent sleep.”

“I’d be a piss-poor doctor if I said ‘no’...but you can’t keep poor Spock waiting forever.” Bones said.

“Believe me, I don’t intend to.” Jim said softly. He turned his head and kissed Spock. “Wake me a half hour before my seminar, would you?”

Spock nodded, then picked up Jim’s hand and pressed his lips to it.

“Have good dreams, Jim.” he said against his fingers.

“We’ll wake you on time. Now get your sissy ass to bed.” Bones teased. He slapped Jim’s ass as he got up and watched him disappear in their bedroom.

Spock was looking wistfully at the broken Vulcan mask on the floor, as if deciding whether he should admit to being upset or not in front of McCoy.

“Well, well, well...look at you.” Bones said, his gaze sweeping Spock’s naked body. “All dressed down and nowhere to go...”

“I’m not ‘dressed down’, I’m nude.” Spock corrected him.

“So you are… and what are you going to do about it?” McCoy challenged him.

Spock lifted both his eyebrows. “I suppose I should clothe myself before the temperature of the room becomes uncomfortable for me.”

“Oh Spock, don’t be cruel,” McCoy said. “Don’t make me beg.”

“I would enjoy that very much, Doctor.” Spock told him with a ghost of a smile.

“I bet you would.” McCoy said with a tone of defiance.

Spock grabbed him roughly and pressed their lips together firmly. Bones glanced up to the heavens in bliss, thanking his lucky stars before he was shoved down on the couch.

* * *

 

 

Spock woke Jim by shaking his shoulder softly. If he hadn’t been roused he would have slept the whole day away. Feeling groggy he sat up as Spock manually intensified the lights slowly.

“You’re still naked?” Jim asked catching a sight Spock’s pale ass.

Spock turned giving Jim a more exciting view.

“Doctor McCoy believes it will leave a more lasting impression on you if I were to stay nude until your return.” Spock answered him. He grabbed something off the shelf before sitting back on the bed with Jim.

“I think the Doctor is also using you to his benefit.” Jim replied.

“indubiously so.” Spock replied matter-of-factly. “And you are very welcome to join us. ”

Jim laughed as he stroked a thumb over Spock’s knuckles affectionately. “Don’t worry, Spock, we’ll have a really nice, long, love-making session tonight.”

“I never worry regarding that.” Spock informed him. “You have never left me unsatisfied.”

“You’re sweet.” Jim smiled. “I love you, Spock.”

“I love you too, Jim.” He replied quietly.

“Bones may have been right about the nudity-thing, it’s working a little too well.” Jim said rearranging himself in his pants.

Jim was delighted to find out Spock had grabbed a comb and began to run it through his hair.

“Do you enjoy this?” Spock asked him.

“Yes. I’m in dire need of pampering.” He replied, closing his eyes and relaxing into the motion.

His hair was perfectly combed within the minute but Spock kept running it through his hair to massage his scalp. They shared a comfortable silence until Jim could no longer shut out the inner voice telling him he had to leave or he’d spend the rest of his night making love to his husband.

“There’s nothing I regret more than stopping you,” Jim said breathlessly as he pressed a hand on Spock’s thigh. “But you need to or you’ll get me in trouble.”

Spock held his gaze, the air was charged with their mutual desire.

“Understood, Captain.” Spock replied. He cleared his throat. “You have approximately twenty-two minutes and thirteen seconds to get to conference room ‘sixty-four b’.” he reported stoically.

“Yes, that’s right, spit more calculations at me, Spock.” Jim said. They were in desperate need of changing the mood.

Spock rattled off figures like as if he were reading a novel while Jim put on his shoes. After a short stint in the bathroom where he washed his face, he returned to the bedroom to see McCoy holding Spock in a loving embrace.

“You too?” Jim asked as he spied Bones’ bare, perky ass. Spock’s arms hung limply from the tight hug as Bones kissed his chest and neck in soft, sensual kisses. Jim nearly melted at the sight of them.

“I told him this would slow your progression, but only seems to have fueled his romantic desire.” Spock informed him.

“You’re killing me, Bones!” Jim groaned.

“Then hurry back, Jim.” McCoy urged him, coming up for air.

“No fighting or fucking when I’m gone.” Jim said firmly, pointing a finger at them. “I want you two to be in top shape for me when I return.”

“We’ll be good.” McCoy insisted.

“I’ll be back in an hour.” Jim told them both. “And don’t you dare get dressed, I want full, immediate access to ravish you when I get back.” Jim ordered them.

“Acknowledged.” Spock said.

“Aye, Captain.” McCoy smirked.

They kissed him goodbye leaving Jim with the worst ache in his chest.

* * *

 

 

The nap had really helped Jim’s focus and he delivered his speech with ease. It was enjoyable to see young men and women completely entranced with his lecture on leadership; he could understand why people considered teaching so rewarding, especially when people were lining up to ask him questions after the seminar was over.

“I’d love to stay and chat but I have an appointment to keep.” Jim told the crowd as they gathered to approach him. He tried not to think so much about his husband’s naked bodies splayed on their bed eagerly awaiting his arrival.

He left his contact information in case any aspiring captains wanted to follow up with him; and with almost comedic energy he sped-walked to his quarters.

“I’m back!” He announced, ripping his shirt off as he bounded through the door.

There was no one to greet him- the music was still playing but it was joined with something else. Jim frowned when he recognized the sound of McCoy’s crying. Shirtless and confused he burst into the bedroom to come across a strange sight.

Spock and McCoy had put their briefs back on, but Jim couldn’t be angry about that. He was upset to see Bones lying face-down on the bed, his arms covering the back of his head as he wailed into the bedspread.

Spock was sitting cross-legged on the bed as well, his hand on Bones’ back. He was looking a little lost.

“My god, what happened? I gave you explicit orders not to fight- what could have possibly happened between you two in an hour!?” Jim proclaimed.

“This wasn’t my doing.” Spock informed him urgently.

“Then what’s wrong?” Jim asked in alarm.

“Unknown, Jim.” Spock said. “I found him like this, he won’t answer me and he won’t be comforted.”

  
Jim rushed to the bed and sat. Sure, they’d cried in front of each other before, but Jim had never seen Bones like this. McCoy’s shoulders shaking with emotion as his body shuddered, Jim placed his hand next to Spock's on his back.

“Leonard, you’ve got to tell us what happened.” Jim urged him. “We can’t help you unless we know.”

“They’re assigning me without you,” McCoy choked. “Captain Bitch did this!” he cried.

Jim frowned as McCoy haphazardly pushed his convention PADD into his hands. Jim tapped it and the screen activated.

It was a congratulatory letter written by admissions informing McCoy he was scheduled within three weeks to report to the _U.S.S Herschel_ for a three year mission as the ships CMO.

“I can’t-” McCoy cried his body shaking violently under Jim’s fingers. “I can’t do it again- I can’t leave _another_ family behind-!” he sobbed..

A hatred flooding from the pit of Jim’s stomach cut through him like a hot knife. His mind was clouded with rage as he envisioned Mani working behind the scenes, pulling the strings for McCoy’s transfer.

“You won’t.” Jim said to McCoy, his voice hoarse with anger. He turned to Spock. “Take care of him.”

“Jim-” Spock said, a warning in his voice.

“I’ll be back.” Jim said getting up from the bed. He didn’t want to listen to a lecture in logic from Spock- not about this.

“Don’t attack her.” Spock said.

Jim frowned. Was he really that angry? After searching his feelings he discovered he was. He wanted to reassure Spock that the comment was unwarranted, that he couldn’t do such a horrible thing to her, but found he couldn’t make that promise.

“She’ll use it against you.” Spock explained.

Jim nodded in acknowledgement to express he was still in control of his wits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Scotty actually orders a half-gallon of scotch in "Spectre of the Gun" ( TOS Season 3 Episode 6)


	3. Confrontation

Jim discovered the men working the front desk had doubled as security, which made it very difficult and frustrating to discover what room number Mani was in. He had tried several strategies, including pretending she had left her convention PADD in his room and he needed to return it to her.

After they offered to give it to her without revealing the room number, Jim was forced to confess an embarrassing attraction to the woman. His reputation as a shameless womanizer finally paid off, and they begrudgingly shared the room number with him after he informed them his lover was awaiting his arrival.

Thank god they hadn’t called her to check on his story.

Jim collected himself mentally before knocking on her door. Spock’s reminder echoed in his mind- no matter what she said, no matter how angry she made him,  he mustn’t physically assault her. If he attacked her then the three of them would hardly be better off than if they were all transferred away.

After a bought of firm knocking the door opened. Lindsay was wearing a tight black cocktail dress and was in full make-up- she must have expected someone else to arrive because she looked surprised to see him before recovering. (Jim also didn’t think she would have opened the door without checking had someone not been expected).

He recognized her as a natural beauty, and reluctantly Jim acknowledged it, even though it caused him pain to do so. It didn’t seem fair that the ugliness of her soul didn’t match her physical appearance.

“We really must stop running into each other, Jim. People will say we’re in love.” She said playfully.

“This has gone far enough.” Jim spoke, his voice raw with fury. “If you want to hurt me, then hurt _me_ \- but leave my husbands alone. What you’re doing to them is evil.”

She leaned against her doorway, her sneer growing.

“Your ‘husbands’?” she laughed. “Ew.” she mocked him. “What have you done to yourself, Jim?”

“You wouldn’t understand it.” Jim snapped at her. “You don’t have a heart.”

She rolled her eyes at his comment and he took a moment to press down the feelings of rage at her disrespectful reaction.

“Why are you trying to hurt me?” Jim asked her in a calmer voice.

“What makes you think I would put in the effort? You haven’t done anything to warrant such ugliness, have you?” She goaded him.

“What is this?” Jim snapped, his hands balling into fists. “We didn’t get married so now you have to attack my husbands?”

Her smile was fake of course, and it transitioned into a snarl.

“You want to speak plainly? Fine. I rejected suitors for you.” She told him. “Powerful men who would have made my future quite comfortable. I recognized your greatness, Jim, I chose _you_ ... and you were more than happy to make be believe you chose me...and then you left.” She said coldly. “Now you humiliate me by entering a marriage, not with one, but with _two…._ MEN!” she scowled. “One of them a Vulcan- a freak!”

There was a disturbing glint in her eye that Jim hadn’t noticed before.

“What happened to you? You were never like this before.” Jim said. “You can’t see you’re still young?” he asked, his voice waivering. “You’re still beautiful. You’re accomplished!” he said, desperate to sway her. “There’s nothing stopping you from finding someone else! For god’s sake, just move on! Leave us alone!”

Doors from the hallway was opening and heads stuck out. The maddened gleam in her eyes melted into something more sane, though no less sinister.

“I’m tired and want to be left alone. Have a good night, Jim Kirk.” She said loudly enough for everyone to hear. “Tell the Doctor good luck on his voyage for me.”

In that second Jim had the most unholy urge to kill her. Ironically, he was saved from sabotaging his career by a murder charge from her abrupt retreat. The smooth door slid shut in his face and he was left seething with his curious onlookers.

* * *

 

Spock had moved from the bedroom to their main living room. When Jim arrived the Vulcan approached him asking for a ‘status report’. Jim figured the odd command was uttered because he looked like a wreck.

“She’s insane, she can’t be reasoned with.” Jim snapped at him as he paced the floor. “She’s obsessed with destroying me.”

There was a calculating look on Spock’s face as he looked off in the distance.

“She said she was humiliated by me marrying you and McCoy.” Jim said rubbing his hands together. They were shaking. “Angered that I led her on when she could have spent her time pursuing other men- that’s why she influenced McCoy’s transfer. It’s all my fault... how could she be so full hate for me?”

“I don’t think it’s hate for you.” Spock said. “In fact, I don’t believe she has any feelings for you.”

“Explain.” Jim said.

“She doesn’t love you, and I would assume she never did.” Spock said. “From what you’ve told me, her vendetta against you isn’t motivated by anything other than you ruining her plan to marry you. She has never claimed to love you.”

“No...she never listed loving me as one of her complaints.” Jim faltered. “But we did love each other once... you think she faked having feelings for me in the past?”

“I find that likely.” Spock informed him.

“But why would anyone want to marry someone they feel nothing for?” Jim wondered aloud.

There was an uncomfortable pause as he lingered on Spock’s impassive face.

“Jim…” Spock started, his voice barely above a whisper. He paused. “She and I are not the same. There is no deceit between us….we both know...I do hold genuine feelings for you...” Spock said struggling to get the words out.

Jim watched as Spock’s jaw tightened at the admission, his eyes unfocused and looking elsewhere. It must have been incredibly difficult for him to admit.

“I know. You didn’t have to say it, Spock.” Jim assured him.

The sound of McCoy’s sobbing drifted softly from the bedroom. It was heart wrenching for Jim to hear, and it only added to the frustration of his failure.

“I have to do something.” Jim said darkly. “She can’t take him away from us, even if it’s just three years apart he’d never survive it.”

Spock nodded in agreement. He pressed his fingers against his lips in concentration, his brow furrowed.

“We can stall his-” Jim started. Spock turned abruptly with his hands still against his lips and departed from the room.

Jim was in shock. Spock had never left _him_ in the middle of conversation before. He didn’t know if he should be upset or impressed at the blatant display of rudeness.

When Spock emerged from their bedroom he was pulling along a very weepy-faced McCoy. The Doctor’s arm was linked with Spock’s, and their hands were entwined. Spock then held out his other hand to Jim, his face blank.

“What are you…?” Jim started.

Spock didn’t respond. Instead he held his hand out even farther in his offer. Jim complied and recognized there would be no explanation offered. Their fingers were locked together and Jim was pulled gently so his arm slipped under Spock's. With a little bit of coordination Jim found himself on the end of a three-person wall as Spock pulled them down the hallway and to the turbolift.

It was very odd. Everyone else they passed seemed to agree as they stared.

Jim was at a loss to what it all meant, but a mixture of hope and the thrill of Spock’s inexplicable actions livened him. What he initially thought was an impassive expression he now recognized as stony determination.

When the turbolift doors opened they were jolted into moving again at Spock’s steady march down into the main entrance. People were still staring, and Jim saw Bones wiping his face with his free hand, probably in an effort to keep himself put together in public. Jim responded to the general inquisitiveness by copying Spock’s demenior of staunch determination.

They were being led to a familiar room; Jim’s heart leapt into his throat as they walked into the Federation Admissions conference room.

“Gentlemen,” Spock said. “I know your time is limited and has been meticulously delegated for scheduled tasks, and I beg your pardon for this intrusion, but I cannot risk our appeal going unrecognized.”

Truitt, Hadley, and Rossi must have been wrapping up the end of their busy day. The conference table held the disregards of their supper, and Truitt was out of his seat, leaning over the table in the middle of gathering up his belongings.

“Who are you? What the hell do you think you’re doing!” Hadley burst out in indignation.

“That’s Commander Spock,” Truitt marveled. He ceased packing his things and quickly sat in his seat, a curious expression on his face. “He’s First Officer on the _U.S.S Enterprise_.” He turned to Rossi, a small smile on his lips as Hadley scowled. “And Joel, you know James Kirk-”

“I do.” Rossi interrupted, visually unimpressed by Spock barging in. His attention snapped to Doctor McCoy and he let out a sigh.

“Commander Spock, why is that man crying?” Rossi asked tiredly.

“Because he is sad, Admiral.” Spock stated simply without a trace of shame.

McCoy choked something and waved his hand dismissively, his head still looking down at his shoes to hide his ruddy face. He was sniffing deeply. Jim had no doubt he was embarrassed to be displayed in such a vulnerable state.

“Clearly.” Rossi said.

“The man crying before you is my husband, Doctor Leonard McCoy.” Spock announced. “He has been assigned to the _U.S.S Herschel_ \- presumably to perform in a three-year service without me and our other spouse, James Kirk.”

“You three are married to each other?” Hadley said with an impolite scoff.

“That is correct, sir.” Spock replied respectfully. Much more respect than Jim thought Hadley deserved.

“Joel,” Hadley started, “You can’t seriously-”

Rossi held up his hand to stop Hadley’s protest.

“Mr. Spock, we put every effort into keeping married parties together but sometimes their services are most needed where that is not a possibility.” Rossi said. “I sympathize, but Doctor McCoy signed a contract with the Federation; his duty is to Starfleet which takes priority over his marriage to you and Kirk.”

“I am not disputing his responsibilities to Starfleet, sir.” Spock said. “However, if you were to enforce his three-year voyage you are risking prosecution. To separate him from James Kirk and myself when we are so closely bonded is a violation of our rights.” Spock stated firmly.

“Outrageous! On what grounds?” Hadley burst indignantly. “We have Vulcans on voyages away from their husbands and wives. This has _never_ been an issue.”

“Explain.” Rossi said to Spock, ignoring Hadley’s protest.

“Commander Hadley is correct, a separation between bonded parties has never been an issue between Vulcan mates.” Spock said. “But as you can see my bondmates are not Vulcans- they are human, a species the board would acknowledge as deeply emotional, with deep emotional attachments. They are creatures that build strong social bonds where regular physical contact is vital. And while a relationship can be maintained with some success between humans with physical distance, that is not the nature of our union.”

“I’m not sure I understand you, Commander.” Rossi said.

“We have entered into a bonding that is entirely Vulcan in nature, and my mates do not possess any of my people’s discipline to withstand the pull of that bond. Again, if the Doctor is forced to depart, it will cause great psychological harm to Captain Kirk, the Doctor, and myself- which is in violation under article 41.a.2C. Starfleet cannot inflict nor condone ‘torture’. Therefore, it is only logical we fulfill our service contracts together.”

The room then went silent, only the sound of McCoy’s occasional sniffing could be heard as Spock’s claims were being weighed by the Federation Admittance Committee.

“That article is referring to prisoners and criminals, not officers, it has nothing to do with admissions!” Hadley argued rounding on Rossi.

“Am I to understand this committee treats their prisoners and criminals better than their officers?” Spock asked. Jim was trying to keep up the impression of somber solidarity but the question made him smirk.

“We don’t know if this Vulcan bond is real- there’s no way to test these claims!” Hadley snapped.

“The people of Vulcan are not liars, they are incapable of it.” Truitt said harshly. “And we are a Federation who respects the customs of all races. It would be arrogant, and I argue even criminal, to dismiss Commander Spock’s claims.”

Jim swelled with gratitude as he caught Truitt’s eye.

“I agree.” Rossi said breathing out a deep breath. “McCoy’s service on the _Herschel_ isn’t worth risking the minds of three high-ranking officers and a lawsuit. We’ll terminate the CMO’s contract and suspend potential assignment contracts for all three of you until we’ve properly reviewed this ‘Vulcan bond’.”

Hadley’s lip was curling into a snarl at the verdict.

“Thank you.” Spock said bowing.

“Mr. Spock,” Rossi said, his voice hardened. “This inconvenience should have been better handled. It drastically changes how we can assign the three of you within the service. If there are any other potential mishaps your marriage has caused, please write up a formal report to be submitted to me _immediately_.”

“Acknowledged.” Spock replied.

“You’re dismissed.” Rossi said.

* * *

 

“The Doctor is resting.” Spock announced.

McCoy had been in a daze, barely believing a ten minute conversation had saved him from a terrible fate. After an unusually silent dinner Bones announced a desire to go straight to bed. Spock followed him into the bedroom, and Jim thought after the bedroom light had been on for almost an hour past the declaration of wanting to sleep, entering would be intruding.

Jim allowed them their privacy; it gave him ample time to review his service records. If he was going to prove he was the right man to Captain the _Enterprise_ , he needed to be able to recall his achievements at the first challenge- and in writing if it came to that. He had a feeling it would.

“You stayed with him until he fell asleep?” Jim asked.

“He was in need of comfort.” Spock replied. “His emotional instability often needs tending to.”

“Thank you for soldiering on.” Jim teased with a smile. Spock nodded, he hadn’t registered the comment as a joke, which pushed Jim’s smile even further. “Can I trouble you for some comfort?”

“I would never consider that bothersome, Jim.” Spock informed him. He pushed his long fingers between Jim’s outstretched hand and curled around it before taking his place at his husband’s side.

Their knees and legs were touching as well, and Jim felt the warmth from Spock’s body travel from his hands and legs into the pit of his stomach.

“What you said today about Vulcan bonds...well, it seems real enough. We’ve mind-melded so many times but...” Jim hesitated to deliver the question that had been in his mind since their confrontation with the admissions committee. “Is it true? Are we so closely bonded that being apart from each other would cause us psychological pain?”

Spock tilted his head and took a deep breath in thoughtfully.

“It’s hard to say exactly what the repercussions would be,” Spock said. “Vulcan-Human relationships are uncommon, I don’t believe the subject has been discussed or tested scientifically.”

“But surely interspecies bonding isn’t _that_ uncommon to Vulcans.” Jim said. “Your people are part of the Federation, Vulcan’s are allies to many different species.”

“Though we are on wonderful terms with many species we culturally...perhaps biologically...seek out our mates amongst ourselves.” Spock stated. “There are few outsiders trusted with the secret time of burning blood, the time of marriage, madness, and mating, _Pon Farr_.”

“Exceptions have been made, McCoy and me for a start.” Jim said. “And your mother of course.”

“Yes…” Spock said. He paused and Jim had the distinct impression his husband had meant to expand further on the subject but abruptly changed his mind.

“What is it?” Jim asked him softly. He ran his two fingers over Spock’s in the Vulcan kiss, hoping the gesture would prompt Spock into being more open with his thoughts.

“It is...unkind to say.” Spock admitted.

“Well now you have to tell me.” Jim teased him. “What?” he asked again as Spock began stroking his fingers in a coordinated ‘dance’ of finger-kissing motions that he and Bones never quite got the hang of to reciprocate with any skill.

“Despite the human contribution to my heritage, I identify as Vulcan, and the people of Vulcan have accepted that...to a degree.” Spock claimed. He paused. “It was unusual for my father to take a human as a mate. As his son…”

“Yes?” Jim urged him on.

“It has been suggested by many I inherited a ‘fetish’ for your species from my father.” Spock said, the fingers around Jim’s hand going still. “When I took two humans as mates it did not help dissuade the rumor.”

“You mean we’re a part of a scandal on Vulcan?” Jim gasped, unable to keep delight from his voice.

Jim envisioned the whispers, the curiosity, the _emotional_ response from Vulcans too ashamed to admit to themselves they were mortified or elated at the rumor one of their own had continued a family taboo by entering a marriage with (not one, but two!) _human_ men. He couldn’t resist a snort of laughter at the mental image of T’Pau’s mouth dropped open in horror as she clutched a string of pearls between her wrinkled hands.

Spock evidently didn’t find it so amusing as he stared off into the distance. Jim had learned that was his spouse's way of not addressing things he found objectionable when he didn’t want to put in the effort of becoming confrontational. Jim reminded himself that Spock had just admitted he found the rumor to be ‘unkind’, so he should hide his fascination until it could be expressed with a more sympathetic party- such as his other spouse (who would no doubt be just as tickled with the news as himself).

“What you’re saying is our interspecies bond is rare...exceptionally special.” Jim said trying to put a more positive spin on it. Spock nodded. “So what will happen when the committee asks a Vulcan about the nature of our bond?”

“Their questions will be met with resistance.” Spock said bluntly. “Like _Pon Farr_ , it is not a subject to discuss with outsiders; therefore we will offer them the convenience of providing a Vulcan willing and knowledgeable to speak about Human-Vulcan bonds.” Spock replied. “My father will be quite capable and willing to sway them in our favor.”

“You’re incredible.” Jim burst out, unable to keep his adoration inside any longer. “You know that? I couldn’t have done it without you Spock.” Jim said honestly.

The realization of his failure caused a flood of emotions to grip him. He swallowed thickly, trying to push down the pain that threatened to choke him.

“Leonard was in shambles and all I could think to do was run to the Devil and beg her to stop. We would have lost him for sure if you hadn’t stepped in to save us.” Jim reflected.

“You do not have to be the only one doing the ‘saving’, Jim.” Spock said quietly. “In this marriage we have responsibilities to one another’s welfare. It would be preferable if next time you find yourself in such a bind you consider running to me instead.”

It was too much for Jim. There was such a tenderhearted look in Spock’s eyes, and he couldn’t fight the tears that were gathering then slipping down his cheeks. He smiled when he reflected on Spock’s plea to come to him. They had been through so many trials together- life and death ones even- and it was so obvious to him now that he should have gone to Spock for help in the first place. He wondered if the conflicting show of emotions confused the Vulcan, but if it did Spock didn’t address it.

The hand that was doing it’s complicated kissing ‘dance’ parted from his and rested gently on the back of Jim’s neck. Jim followed the gentle prodding as Spock closed in for a human kiss.

“Bones has the bed.” Jim whispered regretfully into the kiss. “He’s had a rough day, I don’t want to wake him.”

“We shall improvise.” Spock informed him. He placed another soft kiss on Jim’s lips before getting up, then disappearing silently into their bedroom.

When Spock returned he placed a thick mat on the ground. Jim recognized it as Spock’s meditation mat; he wondered if having sex on it would be some form of sacrilege, but he could only hold onto that thought for so long because Spock was removing his shirt and stripping off his trousers and that was much more interesting to him.

“Please remove your clothes, Jim.” Spock requested politely. He gave him another one of those subtle, tender-hearted glances that made Jim’s heart ache sweetly. It was the sort of ache that reassured Jim time had not dulled the fact he was still very much in love with his husband.

He had full intentions of earning that look. When Jim was fully naked, Spock sat cross legged on the mat and waved him over.

“So...what is it you had in mind, Mr. Spock?” Jim asked him. He sat facing his husband, their knees touching.

Spock laid his hand on the meld-points of Jim’s face, answering his question by revealing the tender-hearted glance was just a peak in what Spock had in store for him that night.

* * *

 

He was elated when Spock caressed him as they made love all night. They had been up for hours, testing Jim’s endurance as they mutually expressed their adoration for one another on both physical and mental planes. It was exhausting yet exhilarating to allow Spock access to his mind during intimacy- as someone who admittedly had ‘control issues’ it took a lot of trust to open his mind fully, but if there was one place Spock proved he excelled it was in his reverence for privacy. Undoubtedly the things Spock saw in his mind last night would remain carefully guarded, even from their beloved Leonard.

Jim woke up alone in bed but not feeling alone. He could hear Bones moving things around in the bathroom, and when he sat up, he saw a sliver of Spock outside the doorway sitting on his mediation mat in the next room. Spock was dressed in the Vulcan garb of his ancestors, not exactly what anyone would consider ‘sexy’, but seeing him there awoke feelings of closeness left over from last night’s lovemaking.

Jim smiled. He had overslept his usual time by an hour and they had let him rest. He was eager to touch-base with Bones and check up on his mental state, so he slipped out of bed and entered the facilities.

Bones was in his underwear and black t-shirt bending over the mirror. His eyes were puffy and bloodshot and he was tapping his finger against the swollen lids while inspecting his face.

“My eyes are so red it looks like I got off a bender and did a pound of Romulan jump-spice.” McCoy growled in greeting. “In the Klingon part of town.”

“Nah, you look great.” Jim replied with a smile.

People would expect Bones not to be a morning person, but he was. Jim cherished their mornings. Gossip and jokes were usually shared, often revolving around Spock. It put them both in a great mood.

They traded their usual morning kiss. When Jim pulled away he pretended to ignore the look Bones was casting that clearly communicated he knew Jim was lying to him about his appearance. There was no anger in it, though.

“You know what our Vulcan said to me last night?” McCoy asked picking up his razor.

So Spock was to be the topic of morning gossip today.

Jim mirrored the Doctor’s actions and grabbed his razor as well, running a hand over his five o’clock shadow.

“He said ‘thank you for the display of emotionalism’.” Bones said with a smirk.

“ _Spock_ appreciating emotionalism?” Jim gasped, dropping his razor in awe.

“Yeah, he commended my melodramatic reaction to being stationed on the _Herschel._ He said it aided his case.” McCoy said. “I told him it was no problem, that I’m ready to ugly-cry in front of the Federation at a moment’s notice.” He chuckled. “That sobered him up, he went right back to having that proverbial stick up his ass.”

Jim and Bones laughed together as they began grooming themselves.

“Spock’s not wrong though…” McCoy said, his tone turning serious. “I fell to pieces back there. I should’ve kept a cool head and helped you think things through with him, I’m sorry.”

“Bones, I fell to pieces too. I wasn’t weeping in front of the FAC, but that doesn’t mean I was keeping a cool head.” Jim admitted.

“Sure.” McCoy huffed skeptically. “Because we all know how neurotic you get in a crisis.”

“I’m not lying to you to make you feel better, I mean it. What happened yesterday to get you off the _Herschel_ was _all_ Spock.” Jim insisted.

“Aw dammit.” McCoy drawled dropping his razor with a clunk. He picked up a comb and ran it through his hair. “Why’d you have to tell me that? I’m not going to be able to be mean to him without feeling guilty for months.”

“I’m sure you can even the score somehow.” Jim replied.

“Yeah, you’re right...it’d be a lot easier if I just fucked his brains out.” McCoy said dryly. “You’ve seen how garbage I am at making nice.”

“He married you because he loves you, not because you’re perfect.” Jim replied. “Which reminds me…”

Jim laid down his razor carefully and closed the bathroom door, earning the full attention of Doctor McCoy.

“Spock told me something shocking last night- about _us_.” Jim announced in a hushed voice. He grinned, which proved infectious as Bones reflected the sentiment, their excitement palpable. “Apparently, marrying us has caused a bit of an uproar in proper Vulcan society. We’re part of a rumor.”

“What’s the rumor?” McCoy asked, his eyes unblinking as he focused on Jim in anticipation.

“The rumor’s Spock inherited a hunger for human companionship from his father.” Jim replied. “When he married us both it gave the rumor a lot of credence.”

“Oh…” McCoy started with a shameless smile. “that must _kill_ him.” He groaned. He turned back to the mirror and bit his lip, occasionally letting a giggle slip as he tidied his hair.

“See how much he loves us?” Jim said after a pause.

The giggles turned into something more powerful as Bones fought to keep from openly enjoying every bit of schadenfreude at Spock’s expense. Jim wasn’t bothered, he thought it was great to see his husband laughing again.

**Author's Note:**

> Everything starts off upbeat but the tone will change once things 'hit the fan'. I normally wouldn't write the trio so silly, especially during that 'drunken stumble home' scene, but if you've ever been that drunk you understand how quickly your dignity flies out the window, so I allowed it.


End file.
